Being An MCAT Repeater!

Depressed? Shattered? Or might have faced defeat for the first time in your life? This is what conveniently explains that you are an entry test effectee. Or probably, going to be a repeater for an entire year. Now, as you have decided to spend your next year with this label, let me give you a tip. Never feel like a repeater, just never! Because it will make things turning out worse for you. ‘’Each day is a new one’’, don’t dare to take this proverb for granted; if you want to spend your next year peacefully, trust me. I have repeated twice, yes TWICE! But now I’m in SIMS. Yes, wahi central AC wala SIMS :-P

Okay let me share my last three years with you which were truly nasty yet amazing. Actually the second opinion is what I have realized recently. So, without any more delay, I tell you that in my very childhood, I was taught by my parents that if anyone asks me ‘’baray ho k kya ban’na hai?’’ I’m supposed to say ‘’main doctor banu gi’’. However, I never thought about it really. Resultantly, I was an average student till my matriculation board exams. In point of fact, it was more like I had never taken life seriously before that and to tell the truth, I am really glad to have this part because I think I have enjoyed my life to its fullest till my matriculation. It does not mean I am advising you to follow me. Your parents might screw me for this :-P

Anyway, board exams approached and somehow I started studying day and night, completed my course and surprised everyone with my brilliant marks. Last part was actually so enjoyable. I got into LCWU for my intermediate and joined our beloved KIPS which was actually the turning point of my life. I had so much competition around me, honestly, I felt like most dull and idiotic person who had no goals to focus at. I actually thought about it one night and decided, I was going to stand out and so I did. Two years passed in no time and I had managed to make my way to 2nd year annuals. Everyone had high hopes about me as I had done great in matric and first intermediate year. Theory went well and practical exams came up. Meantime, I started preparing for MCAT. I know it seems the scariest part but trust me, horror is yet to come. You know UHS, don’t you? Our dearest university which can never go easy on students, announced that MCAT paper will be held on 20th July, right after twenty days, my practical exams end up. I mean honestly, twenty days for cramming more than six books? :O  I felt like quitting at the very moment, I came across the news flash. But, reality is reality, and we are forced to face it anyway, no matter if we are ready or not. So, the result of this mess was I got panicked and failed. Yes, I failed! Being a topper of your class, how it feels like failing in MCAT, you can never understand, or maybe you do, whatever! I was just broken. It felt like it was end of my life. You may feel same but let me tell you, it’s NOT. See, I am still alive with a damn good life, cherishing each moment of my holidays and waiting for my medical class to start  :-) 

Getting back to the story, it took me few days to come out of the shock of failure and I stood up again. I thought about options, like doing CA, quitting medical line, getting into any other professional streak but they seemed too lame, to me, to even think about. I just wanted to be a doctor. Nothing else! So, I became a repeater. A depressed, shattered repeater, waiting for some miracle to happen. But, again, it was real life, not a fairy tale. After a few months, F.sc result came like a draught of cool breeze in that blazing phase of my life and I got 980 which were undoubtedly brilliant marks. Now, don’t think I’m boasting off, I am not really in position to do so. These marks gave me some push-up and I regained a bit of my lost confidence. However, somehow, I never felt I had brilliant marks in F.sc. Probably I was being too pessimistic to consider any positive thing which, fortunately, happened to exist in my life at that time. I think yes, it can be the only reason of being extremely insensitive to my abilities. But I guess it does happen when you face sudden disappointment of your hopes. After all, it isn’t tranquil to see the castles of your dreams getting smashed in front of you. You feel helpless, just too helpless. Anyway, coming back to the story again, all the mess I was having in my life ended up in ruining my already not-so-good health. I had frequent emotional outbursts and lots of crying, without no apparent reason. I just felt alone. My friends had moved and my life was stagnant, devastated, and ruined. You might feel I was being over-sensitive but trust me, it does happen when you lose faith in yourself. But why am I telling you all this? I don’t need an emotional drainage now. The sole purpose of making you bored with my story is to make you realize that depression never makes things better. If it ever did, I would have topped in my next MCAT, but I failed. Yes, again! Now, you might be thinking that I was lucky enough to make in board exams but in reality I was an idiotic person who could not even pass an MCAT paper for the second time. Let me tell you, our dear UHS is a lot more horrible than we think it is. It just changed the pattern and pooled the test for A-levels and F.sc which always happened to be separate. We were given a syllabus sort of thing with some recommended books and asked not to join any academy at all. Now this is what we call confusion. Students were so befuddled and uncertain about the kind of test they were going to face. And those scary recommended books. It was just mess. Or probably, I took it on my nerves. Whatever it was, it was bad, just BAD. Now the question is, how did I handle it? I bought a recommended book for each subject and started with new passion. I was like ‘’patak patak k sir, gira dy knowledge ki diwaar, ratta maar’’ . :-P

Well, I had information. I used to answer every odd question, my teacher ever asked me in the class and he always said, you deserved it last time, but you will get it this time for sure. Sadly, he was wrong for the first time ever I failed because I had ignored F.sc and the paper I faced was whole F.sc based. There were so bookish lines stuffed in the form of MCQs, and all this resulted in my damn failure for second time. Can you believe it? A girl with 980 in F.sc failing in MCAT twice? I don’t know if you can, but it happened. Now, I don’t think I need to explain my condition again. You have already read my miserable story and I would never like you shutting this post just because of my boring story for another time. Just make everything twice or probably thrice, I am not sure. Actually, the difficult decision was what to do now? I don’t think a sensible person would think about MBBS again after all this mess, but I have a strong feeling that I am not sensible. I am proud of it anyway :-P

So, point is that I thought of not giving up on my dreams. Why should I? Dreams are not always for being broken. Yes, if you think that going to any other field and becoming successful man one day, will make you forget about your broken dreams, I do controvert. If you don’t try at all, you will regret. So, never quit. And this is what I did. I joined Punjab University’s pharmacy department just for a side option. I was not ready to risk another year after all. I joined it but never owned it. Yes, I was being an idiot, but who cares? I had my dreams to follow and they were just enough for me. I bothered going university for hardly two to three days a week because I was just too lazy to leave my bed in the morning. Thanks to my friends for managing so many proxies for me :-PWell, all I waited for was MCAT session. But let me tell you one thing, I never studied F.sc crap for whole year until I joined academy in my prep leaves. I risked everything, another year of pharmacy just for MBBS. OMG, how daring of me :D

But there was a difference this time. I wasn’t confused, nor depressed. I was just determined and so sure that I can get through this and that is what happened. In spite of so many hurdles in my way, I did it. I did pass MCAT after two years. Honestly, I studied for twenty days because of my damn typhoid in the month of July. However, I made through it, and this is all what matters. Achievement, isn’t it? Well, my friends and teachers do say it is an achievement. But I think it is what was determined to happen. And what Allah always wanted for me. Now, at this very moment, while sharing my story with you, I feel it was so unwise of me to cry and get depressed. These things never help. We have to face reality and we have to get up on every fall. Because defeat is temporary and giving up is what makes it permanent. Always remember, there is a bunch of positive things around us even in darkest time of our lives, but we make ourselves so busy in complaining over negativity and ruin our peace of mind. I had so many positive things in last two years. Yes, I had. But they will need an entire post to get wrapped up and this one is already long enough to make you lose your interest. So, wait for next one :D and last but not the least of course, be proud of yourself being a repeater as you are a warrior, not a quitter.

Written by Hira Shaheen ....